1) Some fundamentalist goons from a little-known Sri Ram Sene attacked women in a pub in Mangalore, since they felt it was against Indian culture for women to visit pubs and consume alcohol.
I was infuriated, unhinged, my blood boiled and I was desperate, I wanted to do something, to rip out Muthalik's intestines, but I couldn't. I was distraught.
Then I joined the Consortium of Pub-Going, Loose and Forward Women.
I joined Blank Noise too.
Now I have a purpose, a vision, a cause. Now I have an emotional sink too-though we know too well that there would be little we could do to stop fundamentalists if they came calling elsewhere.
2) The activism has been running strong within me. Ask the owners of Blank Noise and Pink Chaddi and they'd tell you I'm very enthusiastic, a far cry from the lazybones that I'm known as at home. I ascribe it to the dual nature of Gemini.
So I have been very active, running around, getting Marathi stuff translated, getting in touch with printers for wallet cards, and shooting videos on Women's Day. Because I've got a thing that I'd love, I've discovered something here- a goal, a dream, an ambition, a utopia.
Now that I'm into social causes, it's easy to see how difficult it is to maintain one's composure, to live up to your own expectations, to understand people, attitudes, the milieu, and things. That is one part. The other part is constantly lifting yourself, reminding yourself of the tasks ahead, and visualizing all this as the starting point of self-actualization.
3) Self-regeneration is a HUGE task. An onerous ordeal. Things are much easier said than done, and much simpler to preach than practice. It may be human nature, male nature, it may be because I've lived in the suburbs all my life, or probably because it is very deeply ingrained in the Indian male psyche to consider themselves the only deserving species on Earth, and relegate women to lesser animals.
I've been trying, trying since the age of 16. I've tried to wash away the chauvinism, the feeling of superiority, that keeps hammering itself on my mind through the external, twisted world.
It's hard. Very hard. Methinks women may do as they wish, methinks egalitarianism is great. Me also thinks it scary to see women occupying equal space, physically, psychologically, with men on a public platform. But I want them to. I want them to tear away the bonds of social expectation, social prudishness and oppression. I love it when women apply for divorces. I love it when they are still spinsters at age 30. I love it when they are powerful heads of organizations. I also love it when they assert their independence and equality by smoking, drinking, abusing and freaking out, though these are not necessarily desirable habits for either men or women.
There's still this tinge of chauvinism left though. Still some fear, some intimidation from experiencing such free-spirited, assertive, independent women. It's one thing to say you believe in it and quite another to experience it. And yet, in this deep, conscious, spiritual struggle, I find my heart winning, I find the chauvinism losing, egalitarianism and feminism winning. Slowly but surely, the right side is taking over. I don't yet claim to be completely reformed. But I'm getting closer, very much closer.
