Clear the Smoke!

I don't think this world exists. I exist, but then the Pranav my mother knows is different from the Pranav I know, the Pranav you know, the Pranav one of my friends knows, and the Pranav another friend knows. So there are about a hundred Pranavs and only one real one-the one I know. But it cannot be so with the world because it has no universal soul. Or may be it does, but not on an earthly level. Therefore everyone "knows" something different from everyone else, even about the same thing. Therefore reality does not exist. Most animals see trees to be grey or black or white in colour. We think they are green. So the truth is that "colour" does not exist, and neither does the tree. But when the world ruled by humankind ceases to exist, we have a problem.

Senseless? Made no f*****g logic? But it does.

Firstly though, we need to differentiate between good illusion and bad illusion. Good illusion is the apparent difference in things due to the difference in naturally bestowed qualities. Animals are colour-blind, humans are not. This cannot be a cause for indignation. It is a fact. But bad illusions arise when humans create something, and destroy it themselves a million times over.

Let me explain with a potentially outrageous example. Did the Holocaust really happen? Methinks it did. Iran doesn't. The USA and Western Europe think 6 million Jews were murdered. Lets not forget that the USA and Great Britain won World War II and rewrote history. Methinks the figure was closer to 2 or 3 million-an educated guess-the golden mean always takes us closer to the truth.

Now we cannot ask Hitler, or Goebbels, or Himmler, for they are all dead and gone. And if they were to be alive, what was the guarantee they'd tell the truth? So the truth will never be out.

Similarly, everything before us is a cloud of thick smoke. No one knows the truth about virtually anything. Did Mahatma Gandhi actually say "Hey Ram" while dying? Was Shakespeare a plaigarist? What is the real aim of the BJP? Who actually runs the media in India? Does the Illuminati exist? Who really wielded influence while naming the street across my society?
In other words, in the huge mass of information, and the fact that humans create and destroy knowledge for their own selfish motives, results in a haze of smoke over our eyes. No wonder then, that the world is an illusion- in short, no one really knows who they are, what they are, why they are what they are, or who someone else is and what is their motive. Period.

Mind One versus Mind Two

Hi everyone.

As promised here's Part 1 of the Mind One versus Mind Two debate. Basically both represent the dilemma and conflict I face every day, at virtually every juncture.

Mind One is the liberal, pro-freedom, pro-women, pro-globalization, egalitarian humanistic mind. It is the stronger one in this mind war. It has been strengthened by years of training and persuasion. Mind Two is the Indian mind, the conservative, family and society-oriented mind. It is not absolutely anti-women, but certainly a cynic and a traditionalist. It is very weak and fragile, due to years of invasion and erosion perpetrated by Mind One. Nevertheless, the two minds are still at war, even though Mind Two knows it's losing fast.

Mind One: Ahh..what a nice day..Ramadoss is very likely to resign. I feel so happy. No more moral policing in the name of protecting people's health.

Mind Two: Oh really, Mind One? What about the girls billowing smoke at the hookah parlours in Bombay? Isn't it shocking?

Mind One: So? Have you ever noticed the guys there? Or just the girls?

Mind Two: Men are intrinsically, biologically wasted creatures. No use grudging their activities.

Mind One: What an excuse! So it's fine to be imperfect if you're a guy, but girls must live as society wishes?

Mind Two: But smoking is harmful to a woman's reproductive system.

Mind One: And what about men? Does it not harm them too?

Mind Two: But if a woman's reproductive system is damaged, how will she produce children?

Mind One: (Angry) Is that all a woman is supposed to do? Is she born so she can raise children and look after them all her good years?

Mind Two: So how will a society survive? Do you know that Western Europe actually has a negative population growth rate?

Mind One: We don't need any more population in India than we already have. Also this family preservation thing is stupid. Anyway your whole premise is biased and chauvinistic, baseless.

Mind Two: Why? Why?

Mind One: Any philosophy that actively or passively seeks to or promotes subjugation of half the human race, over several centuries, in order to "preserve" society in the way it sees fit, is evil, purely Satanic.

Mind Two: That cannot be helped. An equal society will self-destruct in a short while. Look at the West.

Mind One: Oh do you know the West so well? You've never been there. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones at others.

Mind Two: It's quite plain that the West is a decaying society. And it's primarily because of this equality rubbish.

Mind One: When will you learn not to point fingers at women for each and every ill of society?

Mind Two: C'mon, it's true.

Mind One: NO IT'S NOT!!! It's just bias, bias, bias. Look at India first. What about our social evils?

Mind Two: Some of them.....are curable....should not...be there...

Mind One: Why only some?

Mind Two: Gender equality...will ruin everything...our religion...our families..

Mind One: That is because you are unwilling to change fundamentally. Yes the present social structure will be uprooted, replaced, and all for the good. But you are not ready for the change.

Mind Two: This is our culture, our tradition. It's comfortable. Don't shake us up so badly.

Mind One: I will. I will do it for my fellow beings. You will have to face it, accept it.

Mind Two: I can't...

Mind One: You will. Slowly, surely, you will.

Mind Two: I'd rather perish.

Mind One: Oh you will, certainly, if you so wish. You are so weak within the brain of this Pranav Joshi.

Mind Two: But I'm really strong elsewhere. In fact in many people I'm the only mind that exists.

Mind One: Oh, I'll fight my way in there. I can.

Mind Two: You can't, never. I'm too strong there.

Mind One: (Sad) Hmmm..I have hope. And you are just a cynic.

Mind Two: I'm a realist.

Mind One: Stop living in the old world for God's sake! Learn to respect women, their choices, their feelings.

Mind Two: All this...leads to erosion of manhood..man's power and control....but I'm tired now.

Mind One: You would be. You're so weak and you're yelling too. Fine. We'll end it here for today. I have other things to do.

Mind Two: Yes, later. I'll be back with renewed energy.

Mind One: Bye!!! But I won again! 

At this point Mind Two is further weakened, exhausted. These debates are what have been killing it slowly.

I go off to office, or for a quick shower. Hope it wasn't boring! I'll publish more of this later if it wasn't.

My Transformation through the Ages

In my last post I mentioned that the regeneration phase was still not over. Ever since I started discovering myself, my ideas, my desires and world view, I have been continually confronted with these questions: The equality of the sexes and the freedom of expression. The first one is irrevocably intertwined in the second, for depriving 48% of the country's population of human rights does not seem a good advertisement for the freedom of expression, a basic fundamental right enshrined in the Constitution of India.

It was not always that I was egalitarian. It was not always that I felt this way. But by the time I was 14, I had enough brains to think beyond cricket and homework.

Firstly, though, let me say that for all the Puritanism and prudishness in my family, never were we, the children, taught to abuse women, physically or mentally. There were quarrels, as there are in every household, but never did (and never does) my dad hit my mom, neither did my grandfather hit my grandmom. However, this by no means implies that my family ever believed in gender equality. I have seen plenty of women suffer, struggle in my family, because of orthodoxy and harassment. I would not like to elaborate on that as it would be too personal.

So by Age 14, I finally began to analyze the world around me. I firmly believed in the concept of everlasting love, romantic love, so glamorized and popularized by Hindi cinema. I visualized my ideal companion as being pretty, caring, loving, and understanding. I expected her to obey me and be modest and simple. It was the typical doll-like interpretation of a "good girl". It was accentuated and bred by the society's indoctrination. I considered "skimpy wear", smoking and drinking as things undesirable to be practiced by women. However, I always believed in reciprocating love, and never dreamed of violence against women.

By Age 16 and a half, I was in college and the youth years had hit me. I had managed to carve out a considerably more liberal personality. I began to question, internally and with my friends, society's old mores and traditions. I began to see women's freedom as a sign of advancement and liberation. My views regarding the "sanctity" of women became less extreme and I began to accept humanism for the first time, though serious dilemmas undermined this. I was still the kid with the "suburban mentality", the person who so wholeheartedly believed in the demureness of women. Their freedom would be granted to them out of righteousness and compassion. It never occurred to me then that freedom could be a woman's birthright, unquestionable.

By Age 19, I had opened up considerably to the world outside, widening my horizons through both seeing and hearing things I had never seen or heard before. The notion of a class divide between the "high-class" "liberal" metropolis and the "conservative" suburbs began to disappear. By now I was quite clear in the head about my ideas and values, the left-liberal stance. Although I finally began to realize the unquestionability of human rights for one and all, the "protective streak" remained, a faith in acting as the government in regulating the actions of women by occasional intervention.

By Age 20 and a half, several external experiences and changes had caused almost seismic shifts in my social ideologies. A mass wave of moral policing finally began to completely antagonize me from the right-wing once and for all. It was a reactionary sentiment against the censorship of youth culture and values, but it did the trick of finally liberating me from a perverse "Indian" mindset. Theoretically, ideologically, my regeneration had reached the pinnacle, or as close to it as possible, already. Practically though, the internal conflict was reaching its peak too. It was all right to theorize, but now the challenge had finally shifted to the practical application of my beliefs.

Today, at Age 21 years, 9 months and 17 days, the realistic change has finally begun taking place. I am now driven by internal, psychological, spiritual forces. My desire for a free and equal world has transformed itself into action. I have come face to face with the ideologies that I myself theorized about, shaking the ground beneath my feet, attempting to live up to the challenge of women sharing equal psychological and material place with men. The internal conflict just got tougher, the world just got more interesting, and the Enlightenment that I so desperately seek is now very achievable and very close.

I have published this overlong post in order to sketch my journey through the shackles of dogma and tradition into the arms of humanism and self-realization, at least in one particular way. I intend to convey this psychological dilemma further in my next (shorter) post, in a Mind 1 versus Mind 2 debate.

Of Fanaticism, Revolutions and Soul-Searching

1) Some fundamentalist goons from a little-known Sri Ram Sene attacked women in a pub in Mangalore, since they felt it was against Indian culture for women to visit pubs and consume alcohol.
I was infuriated, unhinged, my blood boiled and I was desperate, I wanted to do something, to rip out Muthalik's intestines, but I couldn't. I was distraught.
Then I joined the Consortium of Pub-Going, Loose and Forward Women.
I joined Blank Noise too.
Now I have a purpose, a vision, a cause. Now I have an emotional sink too-though we know too well that there would be little we could do to stop fundamentalists if they came calling elsewhere.

2) The activism has been running strong within me. Ask the owners of Blank Noise and Pink Chaddi and they'd tell you I'm very enthusiastic, a far cry from the lazybones that I'm known as at home. I ascribe it to the dual nature of Gemini.
So I have been very active, running around, getting Marathi stuff translated, getting in touch with printers for wallet cards, and shooting videos on Women's Day. Because I've got a thing that I'd love, I've discovered something here- a goal, a dream, an ambition, a utopia.
Now that I'm into social causes, it's easy to see how difficult it is to maintain one's composure, to live up to your own expectations, to understand people, attitudes, the milieu, and things. That is one part. The other part is constantly lifting yourself, reminding yourself of the tasks ahead, and visualizing all this as the starting point of self-actualization.

3) Self-regeneration is a HUGE task. An onerous ordeal. Things are much easier said than done, and much simpler to preach than practice. It may be human nature, male nature, it may be because I've lived in the suburbs all my life, or probably because it is very deeply ingrained in the Indian male psyche to consider themselves the only deserving species on Earth, and relegate women to lesser animals.
I've been trying, trying since the age of 16. I've tried to wash away the chauvinism, the feeling of superiority, that keeps hammering itself on my mind through the external, twisted world.
It's hard. Very hard. Methinks women may do as they wish, methinks egalitarianism is great. Me also thinks it scary to see women occupying equal space, physically, psychologically, with men on a public platform. But I want them to. I want them to tear away the bonds of social expectation, social prudishness and oppression. I love it when women apply for divorces. I love it when they are still spinsters at age 30. I love it when they are powerful heads of organizations. I also love it when they assert their independence and equality by smoking, drinking, abusing and freaking out, though these are not necessarily desirable habits for either men or women.
There's still this tinge of chauvinism left though. Still some fear, some intimidation from experiencing such free-spirited, assertive, independent women. It's one thing to say you believe in it and quite another to experience it. And yet, in this deep, conscious, spiritual struggle, I find my heart winning, I find the chauvinism losing, egalitarianism and feminism winning. Slowly but surely, the right side is taking over. I don't yet claim to be completely reformed. But I'm getting closer, very much closer.

The End of an Empire; the Salvation of Another Nation

Yes it has finally happened. The Aussie Empire, built over 13 years of sheer class, brutality, a loud mouth, uncouth arrogance and physical and mental disintegration of the opponent, has collapsed like a pack of cards, washed away like the sands on the shore, blown away like a leaf in a gale and burgeoned to death like an elephant crushing an ant.
It's not that it's been done. It's the way in which it has been done. Beaten 2-1 in a Test Series that could have been 2-0 if not for severe injuries to the visitors' captain, and 4-1 in the ODIs. And in Australia. Inside the lion's own den.
The Deliverers are South Africa, once a nation hounded into cricketing wilderness due to an inhuman regime of apartheid; an exile that truncated the careers of some of the would-have-been greatest players in cricketing history: Graeme Pollock, Barry Richards and some more. It's a great moment for the rainbow nation, and even more heartening is to see Makhaya Ntini and Graeme Smith embrace, Hashim Amla and AB De Villiers do likewise, for it shows that the wounds caused by apartheid are healing, that they are not incurable, that AIDS, poverty and economic crises cannot keep the determined ones down. It holds the promise of a wonderful world, amidst the atrocities of fundamentalists, economic downturns and global warming. It gives us all HOPE.
Now back to Australia. What a team they were. And what a team they have become. When this Colossus ran roughshod over the cricketing world, nobody else came within a whisker of eternal glory. The massacres were unparalled, and the few indiscreet times became great epics, so invincible were Australia and so rarely lacklustre. An Australian defeat was a cause for great celebration; today it runs the risk of becoming just another target for another expletive thrown out with glee or indignation, depending upon your loyalties. Not that it hurts us, for with all the class and spectacle that was Australian cricket, it was not loved, nor disliked, but hated. The Aussies never knew how to conduct themselves; they were downright rude, "strutted about like peacocks" as one ex-player himself put it, and never showed any apparent regard for the opposition's calibre. They also talked, before the series, during the series, after the series-they talked a lot and performed a lot. The occasional opposition victories, or near-misses, became the stuff of legend, for sometimes the bloodied, heroic vanquished are greater than the victors. But no reign, and certainly not a scorching, oppressive one, can go on for ever. The Aussies shot themselves in the foot against India in Sydney last year: they cheated to win, they were despicable, unsportsmanlike, unforgiveable. It exposed a baffling desperation, as if they knew Sydney would be their Waterloo. The disintegration started the very next match in Perth, Australia's now-erstwhile strongest bastion, when they lost convincingly and deservedly. And it has continued. The freefall seems so endless that one begins to feel pity for the wreck of a once-great side. The world wanted competition. It got annihilation.
But in many ways that might be a really good thing. What goes up, must come down, and every sunset must give way to a new sunrise. I cannot thank Australia, for their twilight is glowing with bloodstreams of bad legacy, but I can welcome the South Africans and the Indians into the glorious dawn of a new era.

The Midas Touch

Some people really do have the Midas touch. MS Dhoni for example. He's put India well on the way to where the Aussies' asses lie--so we can kick them off that coveted throne!
But closer to home than Oz, a new miracle is unfolding. The life of an eduated unemployed buffer is suddenly becoming very exciting. And there's the Midas touch and the golden moment-- I've got a job!
Yes. Finally. And where? Didn't I say some 2 weeks ago that I hoped IMS would have a vacancy? And I was merely kidding. Now that's a TERRIFIC coincidence.
Everything's been laid out...I got a red carpet welcome...I'd never imagined an idiot like me would be offered a post by the All-India Prep Team head of such a well-known organisation. And when I went for the "interview", I realised my job had been virtually confirmed even before that guy had seen me in flesh and blood.
It all happened so quickly: there was no anticipation, no arguments, no detailed procedures. Just two calls and the deal was sealed. On the 1st of December I was jobless and within 36 hours I was on the content development team of the leading MBA coaching institute in India. Wow!
Call it luck, call it destiny, call it the fruit of my actions, it's happened. It's taught me a very important fact of life: to succeed, you must not only be good at your work, but get noticed too. I ran amok on the IMS Forums for one and a half months, with this result.
But now it's time to bask in the glory, create art for the sake of art (and a bit of cash), and reap the rewards. And believe in the Midas touch of a certain person who had predicted all this. And finally it's time for me to go to bed. Bye!!

Another Comeback..

Hi People.
Here I am again. And no, my present post won't be about literature. Rather I keep finding new things, and new people, and that's how I like it. Because adventure (and not just variety) is the spice of life.
Recently I've joined a forum-- my IMS forum. It's a bit of fun, a bit of learning and a bit of timepass. It's even better because I'm a popular guy there. Ya it's the VA thingie again. I've found friends, followers and even students through that. What more can one ask for? A couple of months ago I was a virtual non-entity, and suddenly I find myself with a fan following! I've even made a close friend through that forum, and a couple of decent ones.
See, that's how life surprises you. Just when you think you're a goner, it lifts you up high into the skies. Only I hope it doesn't fling me down hard!
I think this one's getting boring.
But fate has more in store I think. When my CAT Form got rejected my friends and parents felt sadder than I did. And now all my hopes hinge on those "other" exams. Some people have encouraged me not to "compromise" which means reappear for CAT next year. Guys I want a job. Can IMS have a vacancy? Lol. I'm supposedly "IIM material", said an IMS admin guy. Pooh! Can't even get a 90 percentile in Maths yet...he doesn't know that.
Whatever it is, that's about it for now. Gotta go. Bbye people!!

A little more

Here's a bit more...can't go off with only 1 post!!
Ya...so about MUSIC
I dunno but Im progressing from a more pop-based entertainment to a more classical-based one. First there was pop, then Indian film music, then New Age and now Western Classical. I have a conviction that when one has "realised" a particular genre of music, one experiences a kind of dizzy sensation in the head, and one moves on to more classicalized forms.(It has happened to me all the time). It's weird but true.
I have also tried to analyse the differences between Indian and European Music. Indian Music being microtonal, has a higher melodic and rhythmic quality. It is basically a spiritual experience, but just like its European counterpart, needs a trained ear for appreciation. It is the kind of music that seeks to grow on you, and by my own analysis, enchants the heart more than the brain. Symbolically it is like the silence and peace of the night, without a definite beginning or end, or like the traditional positive qualities of the feminine gender, of tenderness, compassion, love and endurance.
On the contrary, European Music is semitonal, and hence relies more on harmonic briliance, which is usually profound. It is based in the Gothic era, has a huge structure and is a secular exercise. What separates and distinguishes European Music from other traditions is its legendary and epic character. It is a awe-inspiring experience, and thus usually a greater favourite with the brain rather than the heart. Symbolically it represents the more vibrant half, the daytime, a variegated dance through human emotion, with concord and discord in equanimity. It represents the traditionally masculine characteristics, the heroism, the confidence, individualism and patriotism.
So there you are. I think a succint analysis. The next blog will be about literature, so I'm entering intellectual territory...cya!!

Back!!!

Ya so Im back.....late again, I know....
Anyway...MBA preps have really started so why not indulge in a bit of studying.....as we guys don't do it too often....
Iv developed a habit of letting people know class schedules...lol..quite contrary to what was the situation even a year back..I was the dumbest, most non-informed guy around. My parents were quite disturbed about that.
But now all has changed...for the better I think. Im not the recluse I once was, and my introvert side is dormant for the moment. I'm also (for the first time in years) being generally liked than otherwise, coz I always was considered weird and forbidding. And I'm good at something finally--at VA, or Verbal Ability, and looked up to. But then, English was always my strength and I was known for that in school ( so long ago!!).
And Im on a spree--an artistic spree. Im really into Western Classical these days (listening, not playing, that's TOO difficult)...AND I'm on a reading spree. I have rediscovered that reading habit, and read 9 novels in the last 2 months, more than what I read in 2 years prior!!
Dunno what is the word limit here...so I'll end my post for now...cya guys, and I'll return soon!!

Hey its been very long since I last blogged, but I'd lost my password!!Anyway, life is being very unruly nowadays!!So much hard work and little result!!After slogging for a month, can't say that TYBCom exams were good...

ALSO the issue of still being monetarily dependent on parents...it sucks bigtime!!!!I know Im (only) 21, and as my dad keeps saying, Im only looking at the money part of work, not the work itself...he thinks Im a lazybones...

BUT 0ne and a Half Thousand a month is not enough, even though its for basic expenses...I wanna enjoy life yaar...

ANYWAY, Im looking forward to a June 6 b'day party...though the actual party may be a li'l later coz of date problems...lol. The main problem though is location...I dunno where to go, been to so many places in the last 4 years...we're not allowed (wat da f**k) to hang out at nightclubs or pubs, and we can't just sit at home.
Im hoping to get a nice gift from old friends though....and a call from a few new friends atleast... though I would like to invite them for the party itself (concerned people understand).

REST is OK OK. See ya soon...or reply first!

Man...WaT to SaY!!

Man they say LIFE's a BitCh...I aGRee wholeheartedly at this PoinT....studies n no other Worries!!N also the Cricket matches coming up as weLL as WWE Specials are a TreaT I dont wanna miSS...curse the brain that created the exams ConCepT....

Hey Here I am!

HeY GuYs HeRe I aM after all....lol Im new just joined today...this is the FIRST bloG of My liFe..iMaginE!!Anyways ChILL have a GreAT day...Ill BeGin PostinG SooN!!